Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Fantasy Lake
We are finally nearing the end of the summer update posts (I promise :) ) In early August, Tom, Bella and I, along with our close friends, Tonya and Aaron Adams took a trip to a place called Fantasy Lake, in Hope Mills. It was only about a 20 minute drive, and at that point in the summer, it was still in the 100s here in North Carolina. This place is basically a red-neck-dream-come-true lake park. On the adult side, there are tarzan and trapeze swings, jump towers, drop slides, "master blaster" slides, banana slides, diving boards, pedal boats, and porch swings in the water. The kid side, called "Fantasy Land for Kids" has 3 big slides, 3 small slides, 8 cable zip lines, 6 tarzan swings, 12 infant swings and a shaded bench area in the water! Needless to say, with Tonya and I being preggers, we hung out with Bella in the kids area and we let the boys go play on the grown-up stuff. Here are some pics and a video of some of Bella's adventures that day.
Following in Nono's Footsteps???
This short post is dedicated to Annabella and her photography skills. Since I have a small, very easy-to-use camera, I often let her take it around the apartment and take photographs of...well...whatever she pleases. Her are just a few shots that she took. Keep in mind, that whenever my camera was returned to me, there would be anywhere from 20 to 100 new photos. Photos of EVERYTHING. From the air conditioning vent to the back of her hand - she likes to photograph it all. Enjoy!
The couch
Bella's Room #1
Bella's Room #2
Self-Portrait #1
Self-Portrait #2
Silly Daddy
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Summer Fun 2010...Better Late than Never (right?!)
Here is a photo update of some of the things we did this summer:
In June, as a combination Father's Day and early birthday present for Tom, I rented him a 2010 Chevy Camaro (his dream car) - in yellow, of course, so Bella called it Bumblebee the whole time (after the Transformers movies). We drove in it down to Charlotte, NC, where we enjoyed dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and then got to go see...
In June, as a combination Father's Day and early birthday present for Tom, I rented him a 2010 Chevy Camaro (his dream car) - in yellow, of course, so Bella called it Bumblebee the whole time (after the Transformers movies). We drove in it down to Charlotte, NC, where we enjoyed dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and then got to go see...
RASCALL FLATTS!!!
Both my loves looking SO intelligent!
Much Better :)
We took a trip to the Airborne & Special Operations Museum in downtown Fayetteville in July. It was actually really neat to see the history behind what Tom does in the army, and what an important role the airborne and special operations commands have had in defending our freedom and the lives of so many...
The view from the outside
The outer walkway was lined with marble plaques. This one is of Tom's MOS:
This is the lobby
Lobby Again
WWI
 |
Korea
WWII
In the belly of a WWII airplane!!!
Vietnam
Bella and Tom also got to go on an airborne simulator to experience the feeling of jumping out of an airplane, riding in a helicopter, downhill skiing, and riding a motorcycle! I couldn't go because of little TJ...
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Pictures, Pictures, Pictures!
I have finally loaded all the pictures off of my little camera and can now give you all a visual update as to what our summer looked like. Actually, the pictures start from the end of spring, so lets start there...am I ever behind or what?! Sheesh...
First there was her Cubbies ceremony for finishing her Jumper Book!
The Snatch-and-Run
Look Mom! I did it!!!
Then she had her Pre-K(3) Promotion Program
The children sang for the parents - ADORABLE!!!
Then came the "diplomas"
These next two are blurry - Bella just moved too fast!
Woo-hoo!!!
Monday, September 13, 2010
still kickin'...
so it's been roughly three months since I've posted a blog update - and as I've claimed before - I'm just not a journal keeper/writer. I'll keep making concerted efforts to update the blog as often as possible, and to post new pictures here and there. My goal for this week is to give a rough update of what this summer has entailed and some of the things we have done.
In a nutshell, Bella and I made it to Fayetteville, North Carolina safely and have managed to settle in quite nicely. We found a church to call "home" at Liberty Baptist Church in Spring Lake (about a 20 minute drive). While it is a larger church than what I am used to, it still maintains that close-knit, family feel and has lots of smaller ministries that we are able to get involved with. I am enjoying attending their "ABF"'s (Adult Bible Fellowships), which back in Hawaii, was called Sunday School - where adults can meet in the mornings before the regulare service to study more in-depth topics of the bible. The ABF I attend is for all women and we've just kicked off a 52-week study of the entire bible. They also have a group called MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers). While I am a MOPS, I'll be providing child care during their meeting times because its a paid position, and frankly, we can use all the additional income we can get at this point. Liberty also has the AWANA Club at their church, and I'm so greatful that Bella can continue her second year of cubbies there. Since its such a far drive, I've also volunteered to help with the cubbies on Wednesday nights (fun!!!).
I've also gotten into a Moms Co-op group here where we co-op babysitting time instead of paying cash. I have yet to use any of my time for either babysitting for- or having Bella babysat, but just that the option is there is awesome. The moms also meet on the first Friday of every month just to get together and hang out. Its a great group of women that I am happy to be a part of.
I'm homeschooling Bella this year through the Myron B. Thompson Academy in Hawaii, and that keeps my mornings fairly busy. She is also enrolled in gymnastics and ballet twice a week in the afternoons and in the downtimes between all those other activities, I fit in the housework, laundry, grocery shopping and cooking. Domesticity at its best.
Oh - and I'm entering my 26th week of pregnancy with little Thomas John McKenna. Its gone by so fast and so slow at the same time. Part of me can't wait till it's over and he's in my arms, and the other part is silently freaking out that I only have 14 short weeks left and have to face the all-too-scary birthing process again.
More tomorrow...
In a nutshell, Bella and I made it to Fayetteville, North Carolina safely and have managed to settle in quite nicely. We found a church to call "home" at Liberty Baptist Church in Spring Lake (about a 20 minute drive). While it is a larger church than what I am used to, it still maintains that close-knit, family feel and has lots of smaller ministries that we are able to get involved with. I am enjoying attending their "ABF"'s (Adult Bible Fellowships), which back in Hawaii, was called Sunday School - where adults can meet in the mornings before the regulare service to study more in-depth topics of the bible. The ABF I attend is for all women and we've just kicked off a 52-week study of the entire bible. They also have a group called MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers). While I am a MOPS, I'll be providing child care during their meeting times because its a paid position, and frankly, we can use all the additional income we can get at this point. Liberty also has the AWANA Club at their church, and I'm so greatful that Bella can continue her second year of cubbies there. Since its such a far drive, I've also volunteered to help with the cubbies on Wednesday nights (fun!!!).
I've also gotten into a Moms Co-op group here where we co-op babysitting time instead of paying cash. I have yet to use any of my time for either babysitting for- or having Bella babysat, but just that the option is there is awesome. The moms also meet on the first Friday of every month just to get together and hang out. Its a great group of women that I am happy to be a part of.
I'm homeschooling Bella this year through the Myron B. Thompson Academy in Hawaii, and that keeps my mornings fairly busy. She is also enrolled in gymnastics and ballet twice a week in the afternoons and in the downtimes between all those other activities, I fit in the housework, laundry, grocery shopping and cooking. Domesticity at its best.
Oh - and I'm entering my 26th week of pregnancy with little Thomas John McKenna. Its gone by so fast and so slow at the same time. Part of me can't wait till it's over and he's in my arms, and the other part is silently freaking out that I only have 14 short weeks left and have to face the all-too-scary birthing process again.
More tomorrow...
Monday, June 14, 2010
settling in...
As of tomorrow, Bella and I will have been together for an entire week. It feels really nice to finally be here and not have to worry about getting the house together, the meals together and my husband prepared for my next imminent premature departure. I am thoroughly enjoying taking my time re-organizing our lovely little apartment, planning our meals for the week, getting reacquainted with my husband and getting more familiar with our life as a family unit. It is sometimes awkward but always a learning/growing experience. We are truly blessed to have this time together and I know we will always look back on it with fondness.
Today I am focusing on getting the master bedroom organized and tidied up. It will be a challenge to fit me and Tom's things together (especially with all those shoes!) - but with a few smart organizational tools, and my savvy regarding puzzle solving, I know it'll work out.
Well, I'd better get going - Tom will be home in 45 minutes for lunch!
Today I am focusing on getting the master bedroom organized and tidied up. It will be a challenge to fit me and Tom's things together (especially with all those shoes!) - but with a few smart organizational tools, and my savvy regarding puzzle solving, I know it'll work out.
Well, I'd better get going - Tom will be home in 45 minutes for lunch!
Monday, May 24, 2010
SO SO SO MUCH!
As our countdown draws closer to an end it feels as though the days are getting shorter. Ever have that happen to you? I was at a dinner party this weekend where I heard of life described of as being like a roll of toilet paper. That as you draw closer to the end, it seems to unravel faster. Thats what these last few weeks have felt like, and undoubtedly will be what these next two feel like.
Bella and I had an awesome weekend which sadly ended with her waking this monday morning with a terrible sinus infection and croup cough. Friday night we went with "Uncle Brandon" to a BBQ for a friend from high school. Its so wonderful to see old friends and to learn that they really haven't changed much except for growing wiser and more mature. Saturday we went to a dinner party and "Auntie Christena's" house and had a really nice time until my allergies took over. I haven't been around cats for years and apparently have no defense against them any more. Sunday was our usual routine which is always a blessing. I had 14 preschoolers in my class - a new record for sure! Then Tia, Dave, Dave's sister Stephanie and their whole brood came over for lunch with my Noni which was really nice. Dave took some of the kids and Stephanie to Diamond Head for a hike and then greeted us on their return home with yummy malasadas! As the night ended, Bella and I were thoroughly exhausted from our weekend activities, but happy and blessed all the same.
I am home today with her, as she is sick, and its Zack's 25th birthday! We're supposed to go out to dinner tonight...I'll pray, but I'm not so sure with my sick little one...
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
T Minus 33 Days
- deciding what to take, what not to take?
- getting any paperwork Bella and I might need over there together
- Registering at Ft. Bragg with ACS and CYSS
- Getting Bella set up for continuing gymnastics and starting ballet in NC
- setting up our road trip to Maine in mid-June
- notifying the appropriate people of our "hiatus' " in Hawaii : Bella's current gym, Avon, etc.
- post and sell remaining wedding items on ebay
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
over it
Starting fresh. Thats what I'm doing. I've stopped taking my prescribed medications and now only pop my mulitvitamin in the mornings with my coffee. And I feel good. Truth be told, I don't really feel any different being off of them. I am perpetually exhausted, but I suppose that has its own explanation as well. So I'm turning a new leaf, starting on a fresh page, opening a new door - all of it.
- I will accomplish my "to-do" lists at work each day.
- I will walk every day at least 2 miles.
- I will do yoga 3-4 times a week.
- I will drink a minimum of 60 oz of water.
- I will watch what I eat and maintain a food journal.
Friday, February 26, 2010
planning for deployment...
Wow! It amazes me how things can change over the course of one week! While nothing is absolutely official yet, Tom has been informed that he will be deploying with his unit to Afghanistan in July of this year. As Tom puts it, "Its not official 'till I'm in the bird and we're taking off." Regardless, this is what he's been told, and therefore, what we are planning and preparing for. What does that mean exactly? It means that
BELLA AND I ARE GOING TO NORTH CAROLINA!!!!!
We want to be sure that we spend some precious quality time with Tom before he leaves to serve and protect or country. What I'm preparing for is Bella and I moving out there for 6-8 weeks prior to his departure date (which we estimate is July 1st). And what does that mean exactly?
It means that I've got a number of bases to cover before we depart:
1) Find a temporary replacement for myself at work from May-June
Jade has graciously afforded this time off to me. I will be coming back during the 6-8 weeks to perform some of my duties that we feel would be easier for me to return to do rather than train the temp to do.
2)Inform Bella's school that she'll be ending the year early.
Bella's school year ends on May 24th. We would be leaving a few weeks before then which means she'll miss out on her graduation ceremony.
3)Inform my church family of our plans and ask for prayer.
I'll have to be taken off of the preschool teaching schedule and the praise team for May, June and possibly July.
4)Set and actual departure date and determine what stays and what goes.
Being that we'll only be gone for 2 months, its not like we'll need everything including the kitchen sink. It might include sending a few boxes over parcel post, but who knows.
Items 1 and 2 are already well under way. Today I interviewed an amazing candidate that I came across through a staffing agency. She was laid off due to the economic downturn, but the woman actually has WAY more experience than I do! Twenty years and a degree more experience!! I really liked her and think she would be a great fit here. I've also talked to the director at Bella's school. They have agreed to pro-rate the month of May and to keep her slot open for the Pre-K 4 year.
Items 3 and 4 can get underway! I am absolutely elated to be FINALLY going to be with my husband. I am not going to worry about what we'll do if he ends up not being deployed. I will do as it says in Matthew 6:34:
"Therefore I say to you do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
BELLA AND I ARE GOING TO NORTH CAROLINA!!!!!
We want to be sure that we spend some precious quality time with Tom before he leaves to serve and protect or country. What I'm preparing for is Bella and I moving out there for 6-8 weeks prior to his departure date (which we estimate is July 1st). And what does that mean exactly?
It means that I've got a number of bases to cover before we depart:
1) Find a temporary replacement for myself at work from May-June
Jade has graciously afforded this time off to me. I will be coming back during the 6-8 weeks to perform some of my duties that we feel would be easier for me to return to do rather than train the temp to do.
2)Inform Bella's school that she'll be ending the year early.
Bella's school year ends on May 24th. We would be leaving a few weeks before then which means she'll miss out on her graduation ceremony.
3)Inform my church family of our plans and ask for prayer.
I'll have to be taken off of the preschool teaching schedule and the praise team for May, June and possibly July.
4)Set and actual departure date and determine what stays and what goes.
Being that we'll only be gone for 2 months, its not like we'll need everything including the kitchen sink. It might include sending a few boxes over parcel post, but who knows.
Items 1 and 2 are already well under way. Today I interviewed an amazing candidate that I came across through a staffing agency. She was laid off due to the economic downturn, but the woman actually has WAY more experience than I do! Twenty years and a degree more experience!! I really liked her and think she would be a great fit here. I've also talked to the director at Bella's school. They have agreed to pro-rate the month of May and to keep her slot open for the Pre-K 4 year.
Items 3 and 4 can get underway! I am absolutely elated to be FINALLY going to be with my husband. I am not going to worry about what we'll do if he ends up not being deployed. I will do as it says in Matthew 6:34:
"Therefore I say to you do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Clenched Fists and Butterfingers
You know what happens when we hold on to something too tightly? We crush it. Deprive it of air. Forbid it of room to move, grow, adapt or change altogether.
You know what happens when we hold on to something to loosely? It slips through our fingers and dissipates. Evaporates. Becomes nothing. Lost forever to any opportunity to move, grow, adapt or change altogether.
My point is this: We can't hold on to things too tightly or too loosely. We need to cradle and uplift these "things" - whatever they may be - and hold them in such a way that will allow them to be molded by God. Ultimately, everything is a result of His planning. Imagine then, that as you hold up your "thing", He holds His hands gently and warmly around yours. You can try as you might to break away from those hands, but it will always be in vain. May as well just relax into Him, allow Him to take control and rely in the knowledge that He knows whats best for you.
You know what happens when we hold on to something to loosely? It slips through our fingers and dissipates. Evaporates. Becomes nothing. Lost forever to any opportunity to move, grow, adapt or change altogether.
My point is this: We can't hold on to things too tightly or too loosely. We need to cradle and uplift these "things" - whatever they may be - and hold them in such a way that will allow them to be molded by God. Ultimately, everything is a result of His planning. Imagine then, that as you hold up your "thing", He holds His hands gently and warmly around yours. You can try as you might to break away from those hands, but it will always be in vain. May as well just relax into Him, allow Him to take control and rely in the knowledge that He knows whats best for you.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Once-A-Month Cooking Day!!!
So today is my OAMC (Once-A-Month Cooking) day! Before I begin, I have to give credit where credit is due. This is all a result of my sister Tia's encouragement and experimentation. I had never heard of this brilliance before she mentioned it, and would have never tried it had she not let me borrow her book the last time I went to see Tom. Today is not the first time I've done some OAM cooking, but it is the first time I've done the WHOLE month. When I did this for Tom, I think I only made 6 or 7 meals, whereas this time I'm making 20. The reason for this is because my parents left last night for close to 5 weeks on the mainland which means I am left to care for all the children, pets and the household, while working full time, selling Avon, being active in the church and carting the girls to their various activities. I don't want to have to worry about what I'm cooking for dinner each day, but instead will follow a simple schedule I've devised for each week which merely consists of thawing and reheating these pre-cooked meals. My sister's blog Fits and Giggles of the Hawaiian Heldts has some AWESOME links and information if this is something you're interested in. Just click on this link : OAMC Part II.
My goal for this month is to eat home-cooked meals 4 days a week, eat leftovers 2 days a week and then eat out the last day.
Today I will be cooking:
1. Spaghetti
2. French Bread Pizza
3. Meatloaf
4. Stuffed Shells
5. Teriyaki Burgers
6. Chicken Broccoli Casserole
7. Chicken Nuggets
8. Chicken Supreme
9. Creamy Chicken Enchiladas
10.Garlic Cheddar Chicken
11.Sour Cream Chicken
12.Ham Dinner Slices
13.Meal-on-the-Run Pork Loin
14.Stuffed Pork Chops
15.Upside-Down Fettucine Bake
16.Baked Herb Fish Fillets
17.Baked Mediterranean Cod
18.Grilled Fish
19.Orecciette with Tuna
20.Kielbasa with Saurkraut
Just as Tia said, let me know if you have any questions. This would benefit any person in any situation: single, married - with or without children, working moms or stay-at-home! Well, I'm off to the kitchen...
My goal for this month is to eat home-cooked meals 4 days a week, eat leftovers 2 days a week and then eat out the last day.
Today I will be cooking:
1. Spaghetti
2. French Bread Pizza
3. Meatloaf
4. Stuffed Shells
5. Teriyaki Burgers
6. Chicken Broccoli Casserole
7. Chicken Nuggets
8. Chicken Supreme
9. Creamy Chicken Enchiladas
10.Garlic Cheddar Chicken
11.Sour Cream Chicken
12.Ham Dinner Slices
13.Meal-on-the-Run Pork Loin
14.Stuffed Pork Chops
15.Upside-Down Fettucine Bake
16.Baked Herb Fish Fillets
17.Baked Mediterranean Cod
18.Grilled Fish
19.Orecciette with Tuna
20.Kielbasa with Saurkraut
Just as Tia said, let me know if you have any questions. This would benefit any person in any situation: single, married - with or without children, working moms or stay-at-home! Well, I'm off to the kitchen...
Monday, February 1, 2010
He must increase, but I must decrease
I have to believe it was God's intention that I came across an absolute blessing of a blog last week. Through the heaviness of my heart this past month, I have been reading His word and praying constantly. I was searching and pleading for His strength to get me through - all the while acting in blindness and numbness to His loving arms that had already carried me so far. How small my faith was these past few weeks! My pitiful prayers should never have been that of "help me out of this, Lord, bring an end to this sadness," but instead I should have been all the while singing praises to His name and asking "what is Your will in all of this and what would You have me learn?" I feel that same embrassement of a reprimand from a parent to a child when they say "you know better than that". And I do. He knew me (and all of us) before I was born and as it says in Psalm 139, "all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Bringing that to light, I can look over my shoulder at the scripture I have tacked up at my desk from Jeremaiah 29:11 and feel it renewed in my heart. " 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' "
So even in my deep sadness, last week, the Lord showed Himself to me as the All-Knowing, All-Loving and All-Caring, God of Wonders that He is.
My husband and I were only married 135 days ago, on September 19th, 2009. Two weeks after our honeymoon, I returned to Hawaii and Tom returned to Fort Bragg, North Carolina. While we have visited briefly a few times in the interim, this separation has been almost unbearable. It has been hard on not only the two of us, but on our daughter, Annabella (3 years old) as well. I had Bella in 2006, while I was in a previous, and greatly sinful relationship. Tom has been amazing with her - beyond anything I could ever hope for. He anxiously awaits the day when he can legally adopt her and give her our last name.
Tom and I recieved, as one of our wedding gifts, The Couple's Devotional Bible. Tom, at that time, revealed to me that this was something he was interested in doing together. This thrilled my heart - and yet I was unsure of how we would manage it being 6000 miles apart. Fast forward to last week. Tom and I were on the phone (we spend HOURS on the phone every week) and he expressed that we should get a second copy of the devotional bible so that even over the phone, we could begin to do them together! I praised the Lord for that - and still praise Him - for touching Tom's heart and allowing him to be open and receptive to His word. Tom also purchased a men's daily devotional and a really cute book called "100 Verses Every Dad Needs to Know." God is GOOD! Tom knows my desire (and God's) for him to be the true HOH. I am thrilled to see the beginning of His working in Tom's life, and ours.
Then I happened to be cruising through the blogs that I follow, and noticed a link to CWO (Christian Women Online). So I cruised on that website for a while and noticed - admittedly because of the font first (I used it repeatedly in my wedding), and then because of the title of it second. It is called A Wife's Biblical Submission (I also have the button to the website on the right side of my blog). This is something I've been interested in for quite some time - even before I was married. I know myself as a leader, and one who is headstrong and stubborn. Moreover, I knew the moment that I was engaged to become Tom's wife, that I needed to learn how to change. I cannot attribute finding this blog to chance. It was God's beckoning to me, that as Tom begins his education, I would begin mine too.
There is much that I desire for our marriage. Not to say that it doesn't already consist of a lot, but my desires lie in the biblical sense. I know our marriage is still new, but what an awesome way to grow our relationship, right from the start. Perhaps we have been given this time apart - though it is difficult - to grow in the Lord both individually, and as one, at the same time. I get the imagery of two plants, both growing and reaching toward the sun (the Son :) ) while at the same time, the roots, connected as one entity, grow deeper and stronger into the soil.
I am thrilled to be starting this journey.
So even in my deep sadness, last week, the Lord showed Himself to me as the All-Knowing, All-Loving and All-Caring, God of Wonders that He is.
My husband and I were only married 135 days ago, on September 19th, 2009. Two weeks after our honeymoon, I returned to Hawaii and Tom returned to Fort Bragg, North Carolina. While we have visited briefly a few times in the interim, this separation has been almost unbearable. It has been hard on not only the two of us, but on our daughter, Annabella (3 years old) as well. I had Bella in 2006, while I was in a previous, and greatly sinful relationship. Tom has been amazing with her - beyond anything I could ever hope for. He anxiously awaits the day when he can legally adopt her and give her our last name.
Tom and I recieved, as one of our wedding gifts, The Couple's Devotional Bible. Tom, at that time, revealed to me that this was something he was interested in doing together. This thrilled my heart - and yet I was unsure of how we would manage it being 6000 miles apart. Fast forward to last week. Tom and I were on the phone (we spend HOURS on the phone every week) and he expressed that we should get a second copy of the devotional bible so that even over the phone, we could begin to do them together! I praised the Lord for that - and still praise Him - for touching Tom's heart and allowing him to be open and receptive to His word. Tom also purchased a men's daily devotional and a really cute book called "100 Verses Every Dad Needs to Know." God is GOOD! Tom knows my desire (and God's) for him to be the true HOH. I am thrilled to see the beginning of His working in Tom's life, and ours.
Then I happened to be cruising through the blogs that I follow, and noticed a link to CWO (Christian Women Online). So I cruised on that website for a while and noticed - admittedly because of the font first (I used it repeatedly in my wedding), and then because of the title of it second. It is called A Wife's Biblical Submission (I also have the button to the website on the right side of my blog). This is something I've been interested in for quite some time - even before I was married. I know myself as a leader, and one who is headstrong and stubborn. Moreover, I knew the moment that I was engaged to become Tom's wife, that I needed to learn how to change. I cannot attribute finding this blog to chance. It was God's beckoning to me, that as Tom begins his education, I would begin mine too.
There is much that I desire for our marriage. Not to say that it doesn't already consist of a lot, but my desires lie in the biblical sense. I know our marriage is still new, but what an awesome way to grow our relationship, right from the start. Perhaps we have been given this time apart - though it is difficult - to grow in the Lord both individually, and as one, at the same time. I get the imagery of two plants, both growing and reaching toward the sun (the Son :) ) while at the same time, the roots, connected as one entity, grow deeper and stronger into the soil.
I am thrilled to be starting this journey.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
FAIL
let me begin by apologizing for the unhappy posts of late. this one won't be much better. and please, don't think that i walk around each day wallowing in my own misery, because i don't. i have become a master at the art of putting on a happy face, and there are many genuinly happy moments in each and every day:
-i love waking up my daughter every morning for school - getting her to smile or laugh before her eyes even open. rousing her from sleep with an eskimo kiss, a warm nuzzle to her little neck, and wrapping my arms around her warm little body - they are moments i cherish.
-seeing her eyes absolutely light up when she sees me in the doorway to her classroom at the end of her school day. as my mom puts it, the one who picks her up from school is her "hero for the day". she loves school, but she LOVES getting picked up and brought home! when she sees me, she always drops what she's doing, runs to me, and wraps her little 3-year old arms around my legs and says that one little word that belongs only to her and i, "mommy."
-getting surprise phone calls from my husband at work. yesterday, he called my workplace instead of my cell phone. i answer the phones, but to unexpectedly hear his super-hot bass voice say, "hey sexy" gave me butterflies. i love that!
as i've stated before, i am miserable being without my husband. i feel myself slipping back into the depths of depression, but this isn't something i can "fix" with more medication. in fact, since we want a baby, i am slowly weaning myself off of them. without my emotions regarding our separation, i have felt like a huge failure lately. its like i'm one of those
(blank) = FAIL posters... ME = FAIL. except its not funny. i don't feel like i'm a good enough wife. i'm not a good enough mother, or daughter, or sister. i've gained weight. i don't exercise. stopping my birth control has given me acne and i look ridiculous. i stare at piles of clean laundry that have been begging to be folded and put away for two weeks. i haven't cleaned my car in 2 months. everything is disorganized - i feel like i'm simply surviving and constantly playing catch up.
-i love waking up my daughter every morning for school - getting her to smile or laugh before her eyes even open. rousing her from sleep with an eskimo kiss, a warm nuzzle to her little neck, and wrapping my arms around her warm little body - they are moments i cherish.
-seeing her eyes absolutely light up when she sees me in the doorway to her classroom at the end of her school day. as my mom puts it, the one who picks her up from school is her "hero for the day". she loves school, but she LOVES getting picked up and brought home! when she sees me, she always drops what she's doing, runs to me, and wraps her little 3-year old arms around my legs and says that one little word that belongs only to her and i, "mommy."
-getting surprise phone calls from my husband at work. yesterday, he called my workplace instead of my cell phone. i answer the phones, but to unexpectedly hear his super-hot bass voice say, "hey sexy" gave me butterflies. i love that!
as i've stated before, i am miserable being without my husband. i feel myself slipping back into the depths of depression, but this isn't something i can "fix" with more medication. in fact, since we want a baby, i am slowly weaning myself off of them. without my emotions regarding our separation, i have felt like a huge failure lately. its like i'm one of those
(blank) = FAIL posters... ME = FAIL. except its not funny. i don't feel like i'm a good enough wife. i'm not a good enough mother, or daughter, or sister. i've gained weight. i don't exercise. stopping my birth control has given me acne and i look ridiculous. i stare at piles of clean laundry that have been begging to be folded and put away for two weeks. i haven't cleaned my car in 2 months. everything is disorganized - i feel like i'm simply surviving and constantly playing catch up.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
leave and cleave
Here in beautiful Hawaii I have a wonderful job. The benefits are amazing, my co-workers are really cool, and the pay is well above-par. I have the blessing of attending and being active in the church I was raised in. I teach the preschool Sunday School on a rotation with a few other women and I sing in the praise team with an awesome group of people. My daughter attends a really great Grace Brethren preschool right around the corner from my workplace. She attends gymnastics twice weekly and participates in the Awana program at a church right around the corner from our own. I have a dog here. A black pomeranian, and her name is Lady. I live with my parents and will be the first to admit that while it can be stressful at times, I am very well taken care of. But I would gladly trade all of this.
To be with Tom, my husband. I am here in beautiful Hawaii with this life, and he is stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina. He gets out of the army in March of 2011, a little over a year from now. Before we got married, I thought we could survive with just visiting each other until he got out. On our honeymoon, I quickly determined that being apart would never work. I don't feel whole without him by my side. Something shifted inside me once we were married and I was forced to see that Tom and I should not be apart for any length of time. Ever. Now for you extremists out there, don't think that I mean he and I should be attached at the hip. I mean that we should not be living in separate homes, in separate cities, in separate states, thousands of miles apart. I don't work without him. He doesn't work without me. Together we work.
We will find out sometime either this month or in February if he will be deployed for the third time in his career. He's done one tour each in Iraq and Afghanistan. This would be for Afghanistan again. We have a few options depending on what the army decides. If they do send him down-range, he would leave at the beginning of July. Bella and I would join him for approximately 8 weeks prior to his departure to spend that time as a family. Although, perhaps 12 weeks would be better and I could move out there in April.... The alternative is if the army decides not to deploy him. I would need to decide when we would join Tom in NC. In an ideal scenario, I would leave as soon as Bella was done with her school year at the end of May. That would put me there for a good 10 months. I would have a lot to take care of here in Hawaii before departing for that length of time, but I think in Gods hands, anything can be accomplished. I've been told I'll have a job to return to, and that in itself is an amazing blessing.
I hate hate hate this situation. I loathe it. I don't know why I ever thought we'd be able to handle the first 18 months of our marriage apart. All I DO know is that my instincts are telling me to run to him. Leave and cleave baby, leave and cleave.
To be with Tom, my husband. I am here in beautiful Hawaii with this life, and he is stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina. He gets out of the army in March of 2011, a little over a year from now. Before we got married, I thought we could survive with just visiting each other until he got out. On our honeymoon, I quickly determined that being apart would never work. I don't feel whole without him by my side. Something shifted inside me once we were married and I was forced to see that Tom and I should not be apart for any length of time. Ever. Now for you extremists out there, don't think that I mean he and I should be attached at the hip. I mean that we should not be living in separate homes, in separate cities, in separate states, thousands of miles apart. I don't work without him. He doesn't work without me. Together we work.
We will find out sometime either this month or in February if he will be deployed for the third time in his career. He's done one tour each in Iraq and Afghanistan. This would be for Afghanistan again. We have a few options depending on what the army decides. If they do send him down-range, he would leave at the beginning of July. Bella and I would join him for approximately 8 weeks prior to his departure to spend that time as a family. Although, perhaps 12 weeks would be better and I could move out there in April.... The alternative is if the army decides not to deploy him. I would need to decide when we would join Tom in NC. In an ideal scenario, I would leave as soon as Bella was done with her school year at the end of May. That would put me there for a good 10 months. I would have a lot to take care of here in Hawaii before departing for that length of time, but I think in Gods hands, anything can be accomplished. I've been told I'll have a job to return to, and that in itself is an amazing blessing.
I hate hate hate this situation. I loathe it. I don't know why I ever thought we'd be able to handle the first 18 months of our marriage apart. All I DO know is that my instincts are telling me to run to him. Leave and cleave baby, leave and cleave.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
funky funky
Looking back over my few and meager posts, I fully admit that I am not a consistent blogger. Never have been, and possible never will be. I've never been the journal keeping type although I wish I were. You have to wonder about the lost memories, the power of reflection, etc etc etc. That said and done, a lot has happened since August.
I was married to the man of my dreams on September 19th, 2009, surrounded by a lot of the people I care for most in the world. We went on a whirlwind two week honeymoon: one week on the beautiful island of Kauai, home for my 10-year high school reunion weekend, and then one week at Fort Bragg, NC where Tom is stationed. After that two weeks, we shared a tearful goodbye and parted ways for 2 long months.
October was spent just trying to get back to "normal". My life had been anything but normal since Tom proposed on New Years Eve, 2008. I came home from my honeymoon to the entire upstairs of my house (where Bella and I live) looking like my wedding had thrown up all over it. I spent the days catching up frantically at work during the day and splitting my evenings between sorting through and organizing things from the wedding, carting Bella to her various activities, maintaining my share of the household, oh - and somewhere in the chaos of the past 9 months I had agreed to help with the church Christmas Program!
November was spent very much the same, only I had Thanksgiving to look forward to. Bella and I travelled to Fort Bragg to spend the holiday with Tom. I met some very cool people there and got to attend a church that was very similar to my home church here which was SO comforting. Getting to be a family in our own home, waking up together, having dinner, food shopping - everything was so nice. I almost couldn't bear to leave. I stocked the freezer with ready-to-eat meals for Tom so that in my absence, he could still have some yummy home-made dinners. Again, we parted tearfully. Each parting has become harder than the next.
December began bleakly. I stopped taking my birth control at the end of November and my hormones were all wacky. I sorely missed my husband and it didn't look like we were going to spend our first Christmas together since flights were pricing out close to $2000. The Christmas Program turned out very well - and as much as I complained (Phillipians 2:14!!!) - I'm glad I was able to assist. We had already booked Tom a flight up to Bangor, Maine, so that he could at least be with family for Christmas, when my mom and dad suprised us and said that they would foot the bill to get him here! He cleared it with his superiors and arrived on the 22nd! My ENTIRE family (except my eldest sister Tessa - stuck in snowstorms) was here in Hawaii for the Christmas holiday, and boy-oh-boy was it crazy! Awesome - but crazy!
It was a long shot, but based on the "natural family planning" method, I thought there might be a chance that we could get pregnant while he was here. My "window of opportunity" happened to fall on the five days that he was here. It was not in God's plans to have us conceive, so alas, we are not yet pregnant.
January has thus far been an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. I don't know if its the hormones still getting back into their natural levels, the absolute longing I have to be with my husband, the stress of where we will be in the next few months, or the desire to have another child - its probably a combination of all of these - but I cry all the time. I feel like I'm failing at everything. I have no motivation to do anything at all. I'm totally beside myself and nothing makes sense. I really need to just give it up to the Lord. I know intellectually what the word says about these things. I am constantly referencing multiple verses, but until in my heart I put myself fully in His hands, I know I won't feel any relief from these worries.
Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety upon him because he cares for you
Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you, he will never let the righteous be shaken.
Matthew 6:25-27, 34 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear, is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; thy do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I was married to the man of my dreams on September 19th, 2009, surrounded by a lot of the people I care for most in the world. We went on a whirlwind two week honeymoon: one week on the beautiful island of Kauai, home for my 10-year high school reunion weekend, and then one week at Fort Bragg, NC where Tom is stationed. After that two weeks, we shared a tearful goodbye and parted ways for 2 long months.
October was spent just trying to get back to "normal". My life had been anything but normal since Tom proposed on New Years Eve, 2008. I came home from my honeymoon to the entire upstairs of my house (where Bella and I live) looking like my wedding had thrown up all over it. I spent the days catching up frantically at work during the day and splitting my evenings between sorting through and organizing things from the wedding, carting Bella to her various activities, maintaining my share of the household, oh - and somewhere in the chaos of the past 9 months I had agreed to help with the church Christmas Program!
November was spent very much the same, only I had Thanksgiving to look forward to. Bella and I travelled to Fort Bragg to spend the holiday with Tom. I met some very cool people there and got to attend a church that was very similar to my home church here which was SO comforting. Getting to be a family in our own home, waking up together, having dinner, food shopping - everything was so nice. I almost couldn't bear to leave. I stocked the freezer with ready-to-eat meals for Tom so that in my absence, he could still have some yummy home-made dinners. Again, we parted tearfully. Each parting has become harder than the next.
December began bleakly. I stopped taking my birth control at the end of November and my hormones were all wacky. I sorely missed my husband and it didn't look like we were going to spend our first Christmas together since flights were pricing out close to $2000. The Christmas Program turned out very well - and as much as I complained (Phillipians 2:14!!!) - I'm glad I was able to assist. We had already booked Tom a flight up to Bangor, Maine, so that he could at least be with family for Christmas, when my mom and dad suprised us and said that they would foot the bill to get him here! He cleared it with his superiors and arrived on the 22nd! My ENTIRE family (except my eldest sister Tessa - stuck in snowstorms) was here in Hawaii for the Christmas holiday, and boy-oh-boy was it crazy! Awesome - but crazy!
It was a long shot, but based on the "natural family planning" method, I thought there might be a chance that we could get pregnant while he was here. My "window of opportunity" happened to fall on the five days that he was here. It was not in God's plans to have us conceive, so alas, we are not yet pregnant.
January has thus far been an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. I don't know if its the hormones still getting back into their natural levels, the absolute longing I have to be with my husband, the stress of where we will be in the next few months, or the desire to have another child - its probably a combination of all of these - but I cry all the time. I feel like I'm failing at everything. I have no motivation to do anything at all. I'm totally beside myself and nothing makes sense. I really need to just give it up to the Lord. I know intellectually what the word says about these things. I am constantly referencing multiple verses, but until in my heart I put myself fully in His hands, I know I won't feel any relief from these worries.
Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety upon him because he cares for you
Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you, he will never let the righteous be shaken.
Matthew 6:25-27, 34 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear, is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; thy do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
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