I got a call early this morning from my mom - who, with my dad is travelling on the mainland. They found the "house of their dreams", made an offer on it and settled today. I am so happy for them. I really am. They had intentions on building from the ground up on a huge parcel of land that they've owned for a number of years in Angel Fire - but slowly the Lords plan for them began to unfold as contractors fell through, construction pricing sky rocketed and through one event after another, they were pushed in the direction of buying a home that was already built. Through much planning and preparation they narrowed their list of homes to look at during their trip down to...oh a mere 20 or so. Needless to say, when they saw this home - newly constructed and never lived in, they fell in love. It had all the amenities they were looking for and it was very much a "perfect fit". And they got it.
While on one hand I am overjoyed for them because I know this is something they've wanted for a long time, on the other hand I am completely torn up and am crying on the inside (which with me, eventually becomes crying on the outside...). I am to be married on September 19th, 2009 to the man of my dreams. He happens to be in the army, stationed at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. he is due to get out of the army in March of 2011. Since he was just PCS'd a few months ago, Fort Bragg is where he will stay for that time. My parents intend to begin the moving process in April of 2010. I guess in some distant pipe dream I had envisioned there being some way that upon completion of Bella's first year of preschool I could somehow move to North Carolina to be with my husband for the next 9 months while he completed his time serving in the army. Then we would both make the move back to Hawaii to settle down and really start our life together. I had never figured out exactly how it would have been possible, I just knew that living without my husband for 18 months after we were married would be like death. So now, being told that it virtually won't be possible for me to spend any extended length of time with him in North Carolina - well it just sucks, to put it simply. It sounds odd, but part of me hopes that he gets deployed. His job is with support and not actually combat, so his safety overseas is less of an issue than it is for others. But having him deployed, knowing I can't be with him because of his work would make it easier than knowing he is simply in another state and I can't be with him because I have to be here in Hawaii with the house and my brother. I don't think I can explain it easily and I'm probably not making much sense - its just that this situation is difficult and I'm not looking forward to it in the least bit.
I know the Lord has something in store for Tom and I and we just need to be open and receptive to hear and feel His guidance during this time but I know it won't be easy. I'm worried. I'm scared. I'm stressed. I'm saddened. I miss Tom. More so at times like this because all you want is to be held and told that everything will work out.