Wow! It amazes me how things can change over the course of one week! While nothing is absolutely official yet, Tom has been informed that he will be deploying with his unit to Afghanistan in July of this year. As Tom puts it, "Its not official 'till I'm in the bird and we're taking off." Regardless, this is what he's been told, and therefore, what we are planning and preparing for. What does that mean exactly? It means that
BELLA AND I ARE GOING TO NORTH CAROLINA!!!!!
We want to be sure that we spend some precious quality time with Tom before he leaves to serve and protect or country. What I'm preparing for is Bella and I moving out there for 6-8 weeks prior to his departure date (which we estimate is July 1st). And what does that mean exactly?
It means that I've got a number of bases to cover before we depart:
1) Find a temporary replacement for myself at work from May-June
Jade has graciously afforded this time off to me. I will be coming back during the 6-8 weeks to perform some of my duties that we feel would be easier for me to return to do rather than train the temp to do.
2)Inform Bella's school that she'll be ending the year early.
Bella's school year ends on May 24th. We would be leaving a few weeks before then which means she'll miss out on her graduation ceremony.
3)Inform my church family of our plans and ask for prayer.
I'll have to be taken off of the preschool teaching schedule and the praise team for May, June and possibly July.
4)Set and actual departure date and determine what stays and what goes.
Being that we'll only be gone for 2 months, its not like we'll need everything including the kitchen sink. It might include sending a few boxes over parcel post, but who knows.
Items 1 and 2 are already well under way. Today I interviewed an amazing candidate that I came across through a staffing agency. She was laid off due to the economic downturn, but the woman actually has WAY more experience than I do! Twenty years and a degree more experience!! I really liked her and think she would be a great fit here. I've also talked to the director at Bella's school. They have agreed to pro-rate the month of May and to keep her slot open for the Pre-K 4 year.
Items 3 and 4 can get underway! I am absolutely elated to be FINALLY going to be with my husband. I am not going to worry about what we'll do if he ends up not being deployed. I will do as it says in Matthew 6:34:
"Therefore I say to you do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Clenched Fists and Butterfingers
You know what happens when we hold on to something too tightly? We crush it. Deprive it of air. Forbid it of room to move, grow, adapt or change altogether.
You know what happens when we hold on to something to loosely? It slips through our fingers and dissipates. Evaporates. Becomes nothing. Lost forever to any opportunity to move, grow, adapt or change altogether.
My point is this: We can't hold on to things too tightly or too loosely. We need to cradle and uplift these "things" - whatever they may be - and hold them in such a way that will allow them to be molded by God. Ultimately, everything is a result of His planning. Imagine then, that as you hold up your "thing", He holds His hands gently and warmly around yours. You can try as you might to break away from those hands, but it will always be in vain. May as well just relax into Him, allow Him to take control and rely in the knowledge that He knows whats best for you.
You know what happens when we hold on to something to loosely? It slips through our fingers and dissipates. Evaporates. Becomes nothing. Lost forever to any opportunity to move, grow, adapt or change altogether.
My point is this: We can't hold on to things too tightly or too loosely. We need to cradle and uplift these "things" - whatever they may be - and hold them in such a way that will allow them to be molded by God. Ultimately, everything is a result of His planning. Imagine then, that as you hold up your "thing", He holds His hands gently and warmly around yours. You can try as you might to break away from those hands, but it will always be in vain. May as well just relax into Him, allow Him to take control and rely in the knowledge that He knows whats best for you.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Once-A-Month Cooking Day!!!
So today is my OAMC (Once-A-Month Cooking) day! Before I begin, I have to give credit where credit is due. This is all a result of my sister Tia's encouragement and experimentation. I had never heard of this brilliance before she mentioned it, and would have never tried it had she not let me borrow her book the last time I went to see Tom. Today is not the first time I've done some OAM cooking, but it is the first time I've done the WHOLE month. When I did this for Tom, I think I only made 6 or 7 meals, whereas this time I'm making 20. The reason for this is because my parents left last night for close to 5 weeks on the mainland which means I am left to care for all the children, pets and the household, while working full time, selling Avon, being active in the church and carting the girls to their various activities. I don't want to have to worry about what I'm cooking for dinner each day, but instead will follow a simple schedule I've devised for each week which merely consists of thawing and reheating these pre-cooked meals. My sister's blog Fits and Giggles of the Hawaiian Heldts has some AWESOME links and information if this is something you're interested in. Just click on this link : OAMC Part II.
My goal for this month is to eat home-cooked meals 4 days a week, eat leftovers 2 days a week and then eat out the last day.
Today I will be cooking:
1. Spaghetti
2. French Bread Pizza
3. Meatloaf
4. Stuffed Shells
5. Teriyaki Burgers
6. Chicken Broccoli Casserole
7. Chicken Nuggets
8. Chicken Supreme
9. Creamy Chicken Enchiladas
10.Garlic Cheddar Chicken
11.Sour Cream Chicken
12.Ham Dinner Slices
13.Meal-on-the-Run Pork Loin
14.Stuffed Pork Chops
15.Upside-Down Fettucine Bake
16.Baked Herb Fish Fillets
17.Baked Mediterranean Cod
18.Grilled Fish
19.Orecciette with Tuna
20.Kielbasa with Saurkraut
Just as Tia said, let me know if you have any questions. This would benefit any person in any situation: single, married - with or without children, working moms or stay-at-home! Well, I'm off to the kitchen...
My goal for this month is to eat home-cooked meals 4 days a week, eat leftovers 2 days a week and then eat out the last day.
Today I will be cooking:
1. Spaghetti
2. French Bread Pizza
3. Meatloaf
4. Stuffed Shells
5. Teriyaki Burgers
6. Chicken Broccoli Casserole
7. Chicken Nuggets
8. Chicken Supreme
9. Creamy Chicken Enchiladas
10.Garlic Cheddar Chicken
11.Sour Cream Chicken
12.Ham Dinner Slices
13.Meal-on-the-Run Pork Loin
14.Stuffed Pork Chops
15.Upside-Down Fettucine Bake
16.Baked Herb Fish Fillets
17.Baked Mediterranean Cod
18.Grilled Fish
19.Orecciette with Tuna
20.Kielbasa with Saurkraut
Just as Tia said, let me know if you have any questions. This would benefit any person in any situation: single, married - with or without children, working moms or stay-at-home! Well, I'm off to the kitchen...
Monday, February 1, 2010
He must increase, but I must decrease
I have to believe it was God's intention that I came across an absolute blessing of a blog last week. Through the heaviness of my heart this past month, I have been reading His word and praying constantly. I was searching and pleading for His strength to get me through - all the while acting in blindness and numbness to His loving arms that had already carried me so far. How small my faith was these past few weeks! My pitiful prayers should never have been that of "help me out of this, Lord, bring an end to this sadness," but instead I should have been all the while singing praises to His name and asking "what is Your will in all of this and what would You have me learn?" I feel that same embrassement of a reprimand from a parent to a child when they say "you know better than that". And I do. He knew me (and all of us) before I was born and as it says in Psalm 139, "all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Bringing that to light, I can look over my shoulder at the scripture I have tacked up at my desk from Jeremaiah 29:11 and feel it renewed in my heart. " 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' "
So even in my deep sadness, last week, the Lord showed Himself to me as the All-Knowing, All-Loving and All-Caring, God of Wonders that He is.
My husband and I were only married 135 days ago, on September 19th, 2009. Two weeks after our honeymoon, I returned to Hawaii and Tom returned to Fort Bragg, North Carolina. While we have visited briefly a few times in the interim, this separation has been almost unbearable. It has been hard on not only the two of us, but on our daughter, Annabella (3 years old) as well. I had Bella in 2006, while I was in a previous, and greatly sinful relationship. Tom has been amazing with her - beyond anything I could ever hope for. He anxiously awaits the day when he can legally adopt her and give her our last name.
Tom and I recieved, as one of our wedding gifts, The Couple's Devotional Bible. Tom, at that time, revealed to me that this was something he was interested in doing together. This thrilled my heart - and yet I was unsure of how we would manage it being 6000 miles apart. Fast forward to last week. Tom and I were on the phone (we spend HOURS on the phone every week) and he expressed that we should get a second copy of the devotional bible so that even over the phone, we could begin to do them together! I praised the Lord for that - and still praise Him - for touching Tom's heart and allowing him to be open and receptive to His word. Tom also purchased a men's daily devotional and a really cute book called "100 Verses Every Dad Needs to Know." God is GOOD! Tom knows my desire (and God's) for him to be the true HOH. I am thrilled to see the beginning of His working in Tom's life, and ours.
Then I happened to be cruising through the blogs that I follow, and noticed a link to CWO (Christian Women Online). So I cruised on that website for a while and noticed - admittedly because of the font first (I used it repeatedly in my wedding), and then because of the title of it second. It is called A Wife's Biblical Submission (I also have the button to the website on the right side of my blog). This is something I've been interested in for quite some time - even before I was married. I know myself as a leader, and one who is headstrong and stubborn. Moreover, I knew the moment that I was engaged to become Tom's wife, that I needed to learn how to change. I cannot attribute finding this blog to chance. It was God's beckoning to me, that as Tom begins his education, I would begin mine too.
There is much that I desire for our marriage. Not to say that it doesn't already consist of a lot, but my desires lie in the biblical sense. I know our marriage is still new, but what an awesome way to grow our relationship, right from the start. Perhaps we have been given this time apart - though it is difficult - to grow in the Lord both individually, and as one, at the same time. I get the imagery of two plants, both growing and reaching toward the sun (the Son :) ) while at the same time, the roots, connected as one entity, grow deeper and stronger into the soil.
I am thrilled to be starting this journey.
So even in my deep sadness, last week, the Lord showed Himself to me as the All-Knowing, All-Loving and All-Caring, God of Wonders that He is.
My husband and I were only married 135 days ago, on September 19th, 2009. Two weeks after our honeymoon, I returned to Hawaii and Tom returned to Fort Bragg, North Carolina. While we have visited briefly a few times in the interim, this separation has been almost unbearable. It has been hard on not only the two of us, but on our daughter, Annabella (3 years old) as well. I had Bella in 2006, while I was in a previous, and greatly sinful relationship. Tom has been amazing with her - beyond anything I could ever hope for. He anxiously awaits the day when he can legally adopt her and give her our last name.
Tom and I recieved, as one of our wedding gifts, The Couple's Devotional Bible. Tom, at that time, revealed to me that this was something he was interested in doing together. This thrilled my heart - and yet I was unsure of how we would manage it being 6000 miles apart. Fast forward to last week. Tom and I were on the phone (we spend HOURS on the phone every week) and he expressed that we should get a second copy of the devotional bible so that even over the phone, we could begin to do them together! I praised the Lord for that - and still praise Him - for touching Tom's heart and allowing him to be open and receptive to His word. Tom also purchased a men's daily devotional and a really cute book called "100 Verses Every Dad Needs to Know." God is GOOD! Tom knows my desire (and God's) for him to be the true HOH. I am thrilled to see the beginning of His working in Tom's life, and ours.
Then I happened to be cruising through the blogs that I follow, and noticed a link to CWO (Christian Women Online). So I cruised on that website for a while and noticed - admittedly because of the font first (I used it repeatedly in my wedding), and then because of the title of it second. It is called A Wife's Biblical Submission (I also have the button to the website on the right side of my blog). This is something I've been interested in for quite some time - even before I was married. I know myself as a leader, and one who is headstrong and stubborn. Moreover, I knew the moment that I was engaged to become Tom's wife, that I needed to learn how to change. I cannot attribute finding this blog to chance. It was God's beckoning to me, that as Tom begins his education, I would begin mine too.
There is much that I desire for our marriage. Not to say that it doesn't already consist of a lot, but my desires lie in the biblical sense. I know our marriage is still new, but what an awesome way to grow our relationship, right from the start. Perhaps we have been given this time apart - though it is difficult - to grow in the Lord both individually, and as one, at the same time. I get the imagery of two plants, both growing and reaching toward the sun (the Son :) ) while at the same time, the roots, connected as one entity, grow deeper and stronger into the soil.
I am thrilled to be starting this journey.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
FAIL
let me begin by apologizing for the unhappy posts of late. this one won't be much better. and please, don't think that i walk around each day wallowing in my own misery, because i don't. i have become a master at the art of putting on a happy face, and there are many genuinly happy moments in each and every day:
-i love waking up my daughter every morning for school - getting her to smile or laugh before her eyes even open. rousing her from sleep with an eskimo kiss, a warm nuzzle to her little neck, and wrapping my arms around her warm little body - they are moments i cherish.
-seeing her eyes absolutely light up when she sees me in the doorway to her classroom at the end of her school day. as my mom puts it, the one who picks her up from school is her "hero for the day". she loves school, but she LOVES getting picked up and brought home! when she sees me, she always drops what she's doing, runs to me, and wraps her little 3-year old arms around my legs and says that one little word that belongs only to her and i, "mommy."
-getting surprise phone calls from my husband at work. yesterday, he called my workplace instead of my cell phone. i answer the phones, but to unexpectedly hear his super-hot bass voice say, "hey sexy" gave me butterflies. i love that!
as i've stated before, i am miserable being without my husband. i feel myself slipping back into the depths of depression, but this isn't something i can "fix" with more medication. in fact, since we want a baby, i am slowly weaning myself off of them. without my emotions regarding our separation, i have felt like a huge failure lately. its like i'm one of those
(blank) = FAIL posters... ME = FAIL. except its not funny. i don't feel like i'm a good enough wife. i'm not a good enough mother, or daughter, or sister. i've gained weight. i don't exercise. stopping my birth control has given me acne and i look ridiculous. i stare at piles of clean laundry that have been begging to be folded and put away for two weeks. i haven't cleaned my car in 2 months. everything is disorganized - i feel like i'm simply surviving and constantly playing catch up.
-i love waking up my daughter every morning for school - getting her to smile or laugh before her eyes even open. rousing her from sleep with an eskimo kiss, a warm nuzzle to her little neck, and wrapping my arms around her warm little body - they are moments i cherish.
-seeing her eyes absolutely light up when she sees me in the doorway to her classroom at the end of her school day. as my mom puts it, the one who picks her up from school is her "hero for the day". she loves school, but she LOVES getting picked up and brought home! when she sees me, she always drops what she's doing, runs to me, and wraps her little 3-year old arms around my legs and says that one little word that belongs only to her and i, "mommy."
-getting surprise phone calls from my husband at work. yesterday, he called my workplace instead of my cell phone. i answer the phones, but to unexpectedly hear his super-hot bass voice say, "hey sexy" gave me butterflies. i love that!
as i've stated before, i am miserable being without my husband. i feel myself slipping back into the depths of depression, but this isn't something i can "fix" with more medication. in fact, since we want a baby, i am slowly weaning myself off of them. without my emotions regarding our separation, i have felt like a huge failure lately. its like i'm one of those
(blank) = FAIL posters... ME = FAIL. except its not funny. i don't feel like i'm a good enough wife. i'm not a good enough mother, or daughter, or sister. i've gained weight. i don't exercise. stopping my birth control has given me acne and i look ridiculous. i stare at piles of clean laundry that have been begging to be folded and put away for two weeks. i haven't cleaned my car in 2 months. everything is disorganized - i feel like i'm simply surviving and constantly playing catch up.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
leave and cleave
Here in beautiful Hawaii I have a wonderful job. The benefits are amazing, my co-workers are really cool, and the pay is well above-par. I have the blessing of attending and being active in the church I was raised in. I teach the preschool Sunday School on a rotation with a few other women and I sing in the praise team with an awesome group of people. My daughter attends a really great Grace Brethren preschool right around the corner from my workplace. She attends gymnastics twice weekly and participates in the Awana program at a church right around the corner from our own. I have a dog here. A black pomeranian, and her name is Lady. I live with my parents and will be the first to admit that while it can be stressful at times, I am very well taken care of. But I would gladly trade all of this.
To be with Tom, my husband. I am here in beautiful Hawaii with this life, and he is stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina. He gets out of the army in March of 2011, a little over a year from now. Before we got married, I thought we could survive with just visiting each other until he got out. On our honeymoon, I quickly determined that being apart would never work. I don't feel whole without him by my side. Something shifted inside me once we were married and I was forced to see that Tom and I should not be apart for any length of time. Ever. Now for you extremists out there, don't think that I mean he and I should be attached at the hip. I mean that we should not be living in separate homes, in separate cities, in separate states, thousands of miles apart. I don't work without him. He doesn't work without me. Together we work.
We will find out sometime either this month or in February if he will be deployed for the third time in his career. He's done one tour each in Iraq and Afghanistan. This would be for Afghanistan again. We have a few options depending on what the army decides. If they do send him down-range, he would leave at the beginning of July. Bella and I would join him for approximately 8 weeks prior to his departure to spend that time as a family. Although, perhaps 12 weeks would be better and I could move out there in April.... The alternative is if the army decides not to deploy him. I would need to decide when we would join Tom in NC. In an ideal scenario, I would leave as soon as Bella was done with her school year at the end of May. That would put me there for a good 10 months. I would have a lot to take care of here in Hawaii before departing for that length of time, but I think in Gods hands, anything can be accomplished. I've been told I'll have a job to return to, and that in itself is an amazing blessing.
I hate hate hate this situation. I loathe it. I don't know why I ever thought we'd be able to handle the first 18 months of our marriage apart. All I DO know is that my instincts are telling me to run to him. Leave and cleave baby, leave and cleave.
To be with Tom, my husband. I am here in beautiful Hawaii with this life, and he is stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina. He gets out of the army in March of 2011, a little over a year from now. Before we got married, I thought we could survive with just visiting each other until he got out. On our honeymoon, I quickly determined that being apart would never work. I don't feel whole without him by my side. Something shifted inside me once we were married and I was forced to see that Tom and I should not be apart for any length of time. Ever. Now for you extremists out there, don't think that I mean he and I should be attached at the hip. I mean that we should not be living in separate homes, in separate cities, in separate states, thousands of miles apart. I don't work without him. He doesn't work without me. Together we work.
We will find out sometime either this month or in February if he will be deployed for the third time in his career. He's done one tour each in Iraq and Afghanistan. This would be for Afghanistan again. We have a few options depending on what the army decides. If they do send him down-range, he would leave at the beginning of July. Bella and I would join him for approximately 8 weeks prior to his departure to spend that time as a family. Although, perhaps 12 weeks would be better and I could move out there in April.... The alternative is if the army decides not to deploy him. I would need to decide when we would join Tom in NC. In an ideal scenario, I would leave as soon as Bella was done with her school year at the end of May. That would put me there for a good 10 months. I would have a lot to take care of here in Hawaii before departing for that length of time, but I think in Gods hands, anything can be accomplished. I've been told I'll have a job to return to, and that in itself is an amazing blessing.
I hate hate hate this situation. I loathe it. I don't know why I ever thought we'd be able to handle the first 18 months of our marriage apart. All I DO know is that my instincts are telling me to run to him. Leave and cleave baby, leave and cleave.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
funky funky
Looking back over my few and meager posts, I fully admit that I am not a consistent blogger. Never have been, and possible never will be. I've never been the journal keeping type although I wish I were. You have to wonder about the lost memories, the power of reflection, etc etc etc. That said and done, a lot has happened since August.
I was married to the man of my dreams on September 19th, 2009, surrounded by a lot of the people I care for most in the world. We went on a whirlwind two week honeymoon: one week on the beautiful island of Kauai, home for my 10-year high school reunion weekend, and then one week at Fort Bragg, NC where Tom is stationed. After that two weeks, we shared a tearful goodbye and parted ways for 2 long months.
October was spent just trying to get back to "normal". My life had been anything but normal since Tom proposed on New Years Eve, 2008. I came home from my honeymoon to the entire upstairs of my house (where Bella and I live) looking like my wedding had thrown up all over it. I spent the days catching up frantically at work during the day and splitting my evenings between sorting through and organizing things from the wedding, carting Bella to her various activities, maintaining my share of the household, oh - and somewhere in the chaos of the past 9 months I had agreed to help with the church Christmas Program!
November was spent very much the same, only I had Thanksgiving to look forward to. Bella and I travelled to Fort Bragg to spend the holiday with Tom. I met some very cool people there and got to attend a church that was very similar to my home church here which was SO comforting. Getting to be a family in our own home, waking up together, having dinner, food shopping - everything was so nice. I almost couldn't bear to leave. I stocked the freezer with ready-to-eat meals for Tom so that in my absence, he could still have some yummy home-made dinners. Again, we parted tearfully. Each parting has become harder than the next.
December began bleakly. I stopped taking my birth control at the end of November and my hormones were all wacky. I sorely missed my husband and it didn't look like we were going to spend our first Christmas together since flights were pricing out close to $2000. The Christmas Program turned out very well - and as much as I complained (Phillipians 2:14!!!) - I'm glad I was able to assist. We had already booked Tom a flight up to Bangor, Maine, so that he could at least be with family for Christmas, when my mom and dad suprised us and said that they would foot the bill to get him here! He cleared it with his superiors and arrived on the 22nd! My ENTIRE family (except my eldest sister Tessa - stuck in snowstorms) was here in Hawaii for the Christmas holiday, and boy-oh-boy was it crazy! Awesome - but crazy!
It was a long shot, but based on the "natural family planning" method, I thought there might be a chance that we could get pregnant while he was here. My "window of opportunity" happened to fall on the five days that he was here. It was not in God's plans to have us conceive, so alas, we are not yet pregnant.
January has thus far been an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. I don't know if its the hormones still getting back into their natural levels, the absolute longing I have to be with my husband, the stress of where we will be in the next few months, or the desire to have another child - its probably a combination of all of these - but I cry all the time. I feel like I'm failing at everything. I have no motivation to do anything at all. I'm totally beside myself and nothing makes sense. I really need to just give it up to the Lord. I know intellectually what the word says about these things. I am constantly referencing multiple verses, but until in my heart I put myself fully in His hands, I know I won't feel any relief from these worries.
Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety upon him because he cares for you
Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you, he will never let the righteous be shaken.
Matthew 6:25-27, 34 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear, is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; thy do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I was married to the man of my dreams on September 19th, 2009, surrounded by a lot of the people I care for most in the world. We went on a whirlwind two week honeymoon: one week on the beautiful island of Kauai, home for my 10-year high school reunion weekend, and then one week at Fort Bragg, NC where Tom is stationed. After that two weeks, we shared a tearful goodbye and parted ways for 2 long months.
October was spent just trying to get back to "normal". My life had been anything but normal since Tom proposed on New Years Eve, 2008. I came home from my honeymoon to the entire upstairs of my house (where Bella and I live) looking like my wedding had thrown up all over it. I spent the days catching up frantically at work during the day and splitting my evenings between sorting through and organizing things from the wedding, carting Bella to her various activities, maintaining my share of the household, oh - and somewhere in the chaos of the past 9 months I had agreed to help with the church Christmas Program!
November was spent very much the same, only I had Thanksgiving to look forward to. Bella and I travelled to Fort Bragg to spend the holiday with Tom. I met some very cool people there and got to attend a church that was very similar to my home church here which was SO comforting. Getting to be a family in our own home, waking up together, having dinner, food shopping - everything was so nice. I almost couldn't bear to leave. I stocked the freezer with ready-to-eat meals for Tom so that in my absence, he could still have some yummy home-made dinners. Again, we parted tearfully. Each parting has become harder than the next.
December began bleakly. I stopped taking my birth control at the end of November and my hormones were all wacky. I sorely missed my husband and it didn't look like we were going to spend our first Christmas together since flights were pricing out close to $2000. The Christmas Program turned out very well - and as much as I complained (Phillipians 2:14!!!) - I'm glad I was able to assist. We had already booked Tom a flight up to Bangor, Maine, so that he could at least be with family for Christmas, when my mom and dad suprised us and said that they would foot the bill to get him here! He cleared it with his superiors and arrived on the 22nd! My ENTIRE family (except my eldest sister Tessa - stuck in snowstorms) was here in Hawaii for the Christmas holiday, and boy-oh-boy was it crazy! Awesome - but crazy!
It was a long shot, but based on the "natural family planning" method, I thought there might be a chance that we could get pregnant while he was here. My "window of opportunity" happened to fall on the five days that he was here. It was not in God's plans to have us conceive, so alas, we are not yet pregnant.
January has thus far been an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. I don't know if its the hormones still getting back into their natural levels, the absolute longing I have to be with my husband, the stress of where we will be in the next few months, or the desire to have another child - its probably a combination of all of these - but I cry all the time. I feel like I'm failing at everything. I have no motivation to do anything at all. I'm totally beside myself and nothing makes sense. I really need to just give it up to the Lord. I know intellectually what the word says about these things. I am constantly referencing multiple verses, but until in my heart I put myself fully in His hands, I know I won't feel any relief from these worries.
Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety upon him because he cares for you
Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you, he will never let the righteous be shaken.
Matthew 6:25-27, 34 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear, is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; thy do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
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